Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
