I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
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also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
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You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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