but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
