I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
third nipple confirmed
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
