I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I believe in your delicious
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
