It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
