I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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