Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
