I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
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She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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