I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
