just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
