there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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