Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize