I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
