Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
