piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
