So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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