Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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