I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Hippo gnu deer
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
