We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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