just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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