the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
