I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just saw a hot homeless man
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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