Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
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Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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