Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
