So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
PANTIES FOUND
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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