Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize