I'm going to jail i love you
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
