Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
