I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
