This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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