put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
