Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
