Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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