..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
