When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize