I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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