whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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