i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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