That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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