i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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