She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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