Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
