She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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