Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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