Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Who died my cat blue again?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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