Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
