I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
