His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
