my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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