the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
