Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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