OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
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Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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