My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
two words...techno handjob
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
