I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
