she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
