ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We just shotgunned beers for America
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
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