Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
