yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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