I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
