i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
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