Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome

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(631): View more from New York

Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!

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(253): View more from Washington

DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?

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(256): View more from Alabama

It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton

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(416): View more from Toronto

Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti

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(518): View more from New York

Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?

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(303): View more from Colorado

Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?

(307): View more from Wyoming

Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?

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