I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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