Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
