hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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