You just made me feel so damn special
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
