are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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