end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
