I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
