i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
