i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
